Marriage? Nay or Yeah?
At 18 years old, I saw my Aunt’s marriage crumpled. I was closed to her and seeing her struggled to come to terms of the situation was eye-opening. Honestly I could not quite figure why my Uncle did what he did. But in whatever brief conversations I had with my Aunt, I pieced together the idea that marriage is just a piece of paper… which can be superseded with another piece of paper – the Divorce Order.
This thought constantly played in my mind so subconsciously the idea of dating was kind of locked away and I never saw the need to date even though I had suitors.
While my Aunt was determined on a divorce, my Uncle held fast to the marriage and refused to give in. When I was in my mid 20s, they patched up. During the 7; 8 years, I witnessed how my Aunt and Uncle worked on trusting each other again and it made me saw a different light – that marriage is not just about all the lovey dovey stuff. It is really a lot about mutual respect, trust and working together on a daily basis for the marriage to flourish.
Then I thought, hey dating, relationship & marriage is not so bad afterall!
I first started dating in my late 20s and yes I am a late starter in this area of life.
Met my first boyfriend at some function and we dated for about 6 months. I ended the relationship because I felt that he and I belonged to 2 different worlds – different ideas of relationship, different upbringing and different lifestyle!
I was friends with boyfriend 2 and we got together when he was on a rebound! Yes rebound! Bad mistake, stupid move. Anyway, the relationship ended as soon as it started. We are now still friends.
Online to Offline
I met my 3rd boyfriend from an online chat. We shared great conversations and finally decided to meet. Cliché as it may sound, but my heart skipped a beat and I felt an immediate connection. We dated for about 1.5 years and got married.
We had 3 years of good married life then the rest was downhill……
We had our fights… arguments…. Almost anything bad can happen were happening to us. Bringing unhappiness from work to home….. long hours at work ….. overseas projects…. Dip in bedroom actions…… money issues…. the marriage was headed to the road of no return.
Counselling didn’t work. Attempts to seek support and help from in-law didn’t work.
Yes it was indeed some tearjerker - my own tearjerker.
Family and friends will ask for him or about him during gatherings or get-together and my rehearsed reply will be “he is at a production shoot”.
It was at this same time which ironically I was certified as a Matchmaker and picked up the knowledge of using the Family of Origin Relationship Profiling Tool.
I convinced him to do the profiling with me as a practice and immediately we saw that our relationship patterns was modelled after his parents’ marriage. I requested for him to let us work on our problem areas but his reply was “my parents lived like this for the past 30 years I don’t see why we need to change!”
On my own, I tried to work on the marriage but when you have an unwilling partner, it was just so tiring. So after keeping my silence of my marriage breakdown for a year. I finally bite the bullet and informed my parents the decision of a divorce.
“If you feel divorce will make you happier, go ahead. Just remember this will always be your home and I am sure my daughter will find another man who will truly love her”.
towards empowering singles and couples on building more positive relationships. I walked the path
as a divorcee so I know the anguish and agony.
If you know your relationship patterns you can steer clear of pitfalls hence reducing potential heart breaks and heart aches!
Join Me for my 19 May Workshop
If you like to create more positive impact to your relationships, I invite you to join me on 19 May for a 2.5 hours workshop on understanding your relationship patterns.
Click here for the workshop details!