By Annie Chan. Extracted from Richard Templar "The Rules of Love"
Rule Number 51 - Don't Be A Nag
If your partner isn't going to do certain chores though they love you; they definitely not gonna do it if you nag them. In fact, the more you nag, the less likely they are going to get it done.
So what can you do? Well, handle the situation with tact. If your partner is basically ok with most tasks but just that one task, then maybe they simply do not like doing it. Then maybe you can suggest a swap. Bottom line is do not nag. Get creative in terms of how you can communicate with your partner to get your point across, without souring the relationship over such a small matter.
(Reflection : If your partner isn't generally idle, there is got to be a good reason why they are not doing whatever it is)
Rule Number 52 - Make Sure Your Love Making is Making Love
Let's be honest; the sexual act is no longer just an act between married couples. A good majority of couples in love (not married yet) do indulge in sexual act. There is no right or wrong as long as you both are ready and agreeable.
However this Rule is not about the sexual act itself. It is about how the whole sexual act should be. It should not be just about the horizontal tango but should be about the small things such as holding hands, hugging, kissing, etc as well.
It is also about mutual respect for your partner as well. And how you pleasure each other and knowing what they like and don't. It should be an act both enjoy. Again : 2-way enjoyment.
(Reflection : Once you know and love and trust each other, you can be as creative and experimental and exciting as you both want to be)
Rule Number 53 - Don't Control Them
I would like to believe that your partner did not come with a remote control. If that is true, then why do you want to control him or her?
On the contrary, do you like to be controlled as well? If the answer is no, then why are you controlling your partner?
Well, if you are a born control freak, then you might want to restrict the controlling to your area of life and give your partner his / her space to be themselves.
Yes, there might be some partners who really need some controlling in case they go out of hand. If so, instead of hardcore control, try knowing why they behave in such manner. If you feel they really need to be "taken to task"; try using humour instead of the remote control
(Reflection : The very fact that you make decisions for them undermines their confidence and self-esteem)
Rule Number 54 - Listen To What They Are NOT Saying
If everyone simply speak their mind; won't relationship sometimes be easier to manage? Afterall, we are not mind readers. But the honest truth is; it will not always happen this way. There will always be those who will skirt around the real problem / situation they are facing or will be facing with the hope that their partner can pick it up.
So if you have such a partner, how are you going to be able to pick up the hint?
It is really not that tough. Start by observing their body language. If the conversation is light hearted, yet they appear shifty - this can be a hint. Maybe they avoid eye contact? Maybe they get irritated over a small matter?
Well, the important thing really is for you to spot all these signs and slowly lead your partner to spill the beans. And once they open up to you; do not judge or criticise. Let them speak and share. Sometimes they just need a listening ear.
(Reflection : This is an interesting game because you didn't even know you were playing it)
Rule Number 55 - Most Everyday Arguments Are About Something Else
We have all heard that arguments in relationship can be healthy. Keep the "heat" going. But if the arguments are always about the same issues, then it might be more than meet the eyes.
Eg. You both might always argue about who's turn it is to wash the plates and the arguments go way back to comparing who did more and who did less. Is the washing of plates the real issue here? Chances are it is not.
It could be a simple case of one partner is feeling taken for granted. He or she might have felt that his / her good nature is being exploited and is upset. Hence, you have to go back to Rule 54 and listen to what they are NOT saying.
(Reflection : You may think you resolved things last time, but actually you are not having the argument you think you are)
If your partner isn't going to do certain chores though they love you; they definitely not gonna do it if you nag them. In fact, the more you nag, the less likely they are going to get it done.
So what can you do? Well, handle the situation with tact. If your partner is basically ok with most tasks but just that one task, then maybe they simply do not like doing it. Then maybe you can suggest a swap. Bottom line is do not nag. Get creative in terms of how you can communicate with your partner to get your point across, without souring the relationship over such a small matter.
(Reflection : If your partner isn't generally idle, there is got to be a good reason why they are not doing whatever it is)
Rule Number 52 - Make Sure Your Love Making is Making Love
Let's be honest; the sexual act is no longer just an act between married couples. A good majority of couples in love (not married yet) do indulge in sexual act. There is no right or wrong as long as you both are ready and agreeable.
However this Rule is not about the sexual act itself. It is about how the whole sexual act should be. It should not be just about the horizontal tango but should be about the small things such as holding hands, hugging, kissing, etc as well.
It is also about mutual respect for your partner as well. And how you pleasure each other and knowing what they like and don't. It should be an act both enjoy. Again : 2-way enjoyment.
(Reflection : Once you know and love and trust each other, you can be as creative and experimental and exciting as you both want to be)
Rule Number 53 - Don't Control Them
I would like to believe that your partner did not come with a remote control. If that is true, then why do you want to control him or her?
On the contrary, do you like to be controlled as well? If the answer is no, then why are you controlling your partner?
Well, if you are a born control freak, then you might want to restrict the controlling to your area of life and give your partner his / her space to be themselves.
Yes, there might be some partners who really need some controlling in case they go out of hand. If so, instead of hardcore control, try knowing why they behave in such manner. If you feel they really need to be "taken to task"; try using humour instead of the remote control
(Reflection : The very fact that you make decisions for them undermines their confidence and self-esteem)
Rule Number 54 - Listen To What They Are NOT Saying
If everyone simply speak their mind; won't relationship sometimes be easier to manage? Afterall, we are not mind readers. But the honest truth is; it will not always happen this way. There will always be those who will skirt around the real problem / situation they are facing or will be facing with the hope that their partner can pick it up.
So if you have such a partner, how are you going to be able to pick up the hint?
It is really not that tough. Start by observing their body language. If the conversation is light hearted, yet they appear shifty - this can be a hint. Maybe they avoid eye contact? Maybe they get irritated over a small matter?
Well, the important thing really is for you to spot all these signs and slowly lead your partner to spill the beans. And once they open up to you; do not judge or criticise. Let them speak and share. Sometimes they just need a listening ear.
(Reflection : This is an interesting game because you didn't even know you were playing it)
Rule Number 55 - Most Everyday Arguments Are About Something Else
We have all heard that arguments in relationship can be healthy. Keep the "heat" going. But if the arguments are always about the same issues, then it might be more than meet the eyes.
Eg. You both might always argue about who's turn it is to wash the plates and the arguments go way back to comparing who did more and who did less. Is the washing of plates the real issue here? Chances are it is not.
It could be a simple case of one partner is feeling taken for granted. He or she might have felt that his / her good nature is being exploited and is upset. Hence, you have to go back to Rule 54 and listen to what they are NOT saying.
(Reflection : You may think you resolved things last time, but actually you are not having the argument you think you are)
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